When it comes to child development, one of the biggest misconceptions is that all kids should hit milestones at the same time. But Natalie Nicholls, an education and learning specialist from PLECS Early Learning, explains why that’s not the case. “We don’t all develop at the same rate,” says Natalie. “If we did, we’d be like robots. And we’re not.” In child development one size doesn’t fit all!
In a recent chat with Doug on Table Talk, Natalie explained that children grow in different areas, including physical, language, emotional, cognitive, and social skills. Developmental milestones are not fixed points but ranges. Understanding this helps parents and teachers set realistic expectations.
Nature vs. Nurture: What Shapes a Child’s Development?
Is a child’s development shaped by genetics or environment? The answer is both. “Studies show it’s approximately 50/50,” Natalie explains. “We’re born with certain skills, but our environment plays a big role in how we develop.”
For example, some kids naturally excel in physical activities. Natalie recalls her nephew, who showed exceptional coordination at a young age. “He was in a Gymboree class, and he’d grab a ball and throw it across the room. That’s a higher level of physical development than most babies his age.”
However, a child who is ahead in one area might need more support in another. “If he’s strong physically, maybe his language development needs a bit more encouragement,” she adds.
The Pressure to Meet Milestones
Many parents worry when their child doesn’t meet expected milestones. But pushing kids too soon can have negative effects.
“If we put pressure on kids to learn before their brains are ready, we set them up for failure,” Natalie warns. “It creates stress and anxiety—not just for the child but for the parents too.”
Children pick up on their parents’ emotions. If a parent is anxious about their child’s progress, the child may feel that stress too. “Children’s nervous systems mirror their parents’,” says Natalie. “If we’re stressed, they feel it.”
The Risks of Pushing Too Soon
Trying to accelerate development can backfire. Natalie compares it to a new couple moving too fast in a relationship. “One person goes all in, and the other pulls back. That’s like school refusal—kids shut down when pushed too hard,” she explains. “Would you want to go to work if you felt like you couldn’t do your job? Kids feel the same way at school.”
Instead of rushing development, making learning fun is key. “No child comes home saying, ‘I had an awesome literacy lesson today!’ unless it was fun,” she laughs.
Learning Is Like Swimming
Developmental skills build upon each other, just like learning to swim. “Freestyle swimming is complicated. Arms move side to side, legs kick, the head turns, and you have to breathe—all at the same time,” Natalie explains. “We don’t teach a three-year-old all of that at once. We introduce skills step by step.” The same applies to reading, writing, and math. Pushing too hard before a child is ready only leads to frustration.
The Danger of Comparisons
Comparing siblings or classmates can be harmful. “Often, it’s the parents feeling bad, thinking, ‘Why isn’t my child like that other kid?’” Natalie says. “But making comparisons won’t help the child—it just makes them feel worse.”
Instead, children need encouragement, a supportive environment, and patience. “We are all still learning,” she reminds us. “Failure is part of the process. It just takes time.”
Final Thoughts
So, it’s important to remember one size doesn’t fit all in child development. Every child develops at their own pace. Milestones are guidelines, not strict deadlines. As parents and educators, supporting children where they are—without unnecessary pressure—helps them grow with confidence.
Listen to the full conversation below.