Dan Tan from The Positive Difference, sat down with Doug from Table Talk to talk about emotional intelligence and the whole person paradigm.
The Foundation is Self-Awareness
Dan began by recapping on the foundation of emotional intelligence, which is self-awareness. It is broken into two parts:
- Emotional Articulation
- Contributing Factors of Feelings
“Firstly, it’s emotional articulation. Can I find a word that describes how I’m feeling? Can I kind of peg it down?” began Dan. “If you don’t, it’s very ethereal, it’s very smoky, you can’t quite grasp it.”
“There’s various aspects of our life or domains in our life that actually contribute to our emotional state as well,” he said.
Self-Management
Instead of being told to stop feeling sad or down, it is beneficial to tap into the levers of your emotional intelligence.
“There are other aspects of our life that we can then pull upon, that we can boost up, that will influence how we feel. And that’s where this idea of the whole person paradigm comes to play,” said Dan.
The Four Dimensions
- The Physical Body
- The Mind and Thoughts
- The Heart and Emotions
- The Spirit and Eternal Self
Ask the Questions:
Are you rested?
Are you hydrated?
Have you had enough food?
“How does that impact how you feel?” asked Dan. He continued with respect to the mind: “What’s your thought life like?”
Dan referred back to an earlier chat where he unpacked the heart aspect and the emotions that follow.
“Finally, there’s the spiritual aspect of it, something that is often overlooked,” he said.
“But I think more and more people are starting to realize that we are also spiritual beings. It’s not just about ourselves. We are actually connected to something greater than us. And if we don’t consider that, it actually impacts the rest of our lives as well,” said Dan.
Something Greater Than Ourselves
A spiritual aspect is living in line with your conscience and values that go beyond your own mind, body and spirit, argued Dan.
“It might look like a religious faith, for a Christian, that’s a connection to God and His principles,” he continued. “It is about living a legacy and having a purpose. Not just living for yourself.”
He explained the impact it can have on other aspects of our lives.
“It can drag down the physical, emotional and mental aspects of your life. Conversely, and this is the same for all of those dimensions, it actually then positively impacts them through spiritual awareness.”
Self-Talk: You Control the Narrative
“What I often say is, we play out a narrative in our own head about our situations, and the powerful thing is that you yourself have control of that narrative,” said Dan.
“For instance, if you’re running late to a meeting. What narrative are you playing in your head? Are you telling yourself, oh my goodness, I’m going to be late, it’s going to be so bad, I’m going to walk in, they’re all going to look at me… All that things that you are telling yourself, what is it doing to your emotional state? It’s causing you anxiety, stress and frustration. And it’s kind of dragging that emotional state down,” he said.
“What’s the outcome of that? You’re going to possibly try speeding a bit more on the freeway. You’re going to try to be a bit more aggressive on the road. When you show up, you’ll probably be a lot more flustered. And so that’s the impact of your thought life on your emotions and your outcomes. But in that same circumstance, you can be telling yourself, hey, it’s going to be all right. The meeting’s not going to start without me. I’m going to take as long as I need to take to get there, and I’d rather get there safely and with a peaceful mind than all flustered and potentially get into an accident. And you can be telling yourself these things. That self-talk has an impact on how you feel.”
Ask the Questions:
Am I being more negative or am I being more positive?
What voice am I speaking into my own life?
And what emotions is that driving?
For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.
Matthew 12:34
Doug referenced a scripture in Matthew that highlighted the importance of self-talk.
The bible uses I am statements which Doug encouraged can help us in our pursuit.
“I am a child of God.”
“I’m loved, I’m valued.”
“I’m called, I’m chosen.”
Shift the Narrative
“Can I be saying things that are true about me but are positive? And the Bible is a great place to go to. What does God Himself, my Creator, say about me? And can I be affirming those things in my life?” asked Dan.
“There are things in this world, things that you’re going through, even in the toughest times in your life, there are things to rejoice for.”
Where is Your Focus?
Dan concluded by encouraging those in patterns of negative self-talk to re-shift their focus to allow for positive impact.
Check out the full chat with Doug and Dan Chan below.