Making friends at school isn’t always easy. Sometimes, kids come home feeling left out, upset, or even anxious. Parenting expert Michelle Mitchell joined the conversation to unpack what’s really going on and how parents can help.

Friends Can Come from Anywhere

“Friends can come in all places and spaces,” said Michelle. “They don’t have to be the same age or even from school.”

Still, many kids go through seasons where they feel like they don’t belong. “We probably all remember a time we didn’t fit in with a group,” she shared.

When Loneliness Lasts Too Long

Feeling left out for a short time is normal. But if it goes on too long, it can affect a child’s mental health.

“If our child is in that space for an extended period,” Michelle said, “they might start thinking something is wrong with them.”

She explained that this kind of thinking can lead to anxiety, self-doubt, and even depression.

Don’t Project Your Worries

As parents, we often feel anxious when our kids don’t seem to fit in.

“But if we think something is drastically wrong,” Michelle said, “we might project that onto our kids.”

Instead, take a step back. Many kids bounce back socially as they grow. Some even make lifelong friends later in life.

When Social Struggles Persist

Michelle noted a difference between short-term struggles and ongoing problems. “If year after year, your child is still struggling, there may be a need for extra support,” she said.

In rare cases, a change of school has helped but it’s not always a fix. “Research says most problems follow kids when they move,” Michelle explained, “usually around six to eight months later.”

The Rumination Spiral

What if your child comes home upset every day, going over the same story? “We call that looping or ruminating,” Michelle said. “And it can spiral their self-view in a negative direction.”

Kids might say things like, “No one likes me,” or “I’m a loser.” They might fixate on messages or gossip in group chats.

Too Much Talk Can Backfire

Parents want to help. But endless conversations about social issues can backfire. “It can actually make things worse,” Michelle warned. “It often leads to catastrophising.”

Instead of encouraging more talk, help your child reset. “Get them off their phone. Give them space. Let them play Lego with their younger sibling,” she suggested.

Space can give them a fresh mindset and reduce the emotional charge.

When They Don’t Want to Go to School

Some kids become so overwhelmed they refuse to go to school. This could be caused by anxiety or bullying.

Either way, Michelle said, “Trusted adults need to come together to form a plan. Not to push the child, but to help them take small steps forward.”

Let your child be part of that plan. “We want to talk to our kids like they’re powerful people,” she added. “Not take their power away.”

Teaching Emotional Regulation

Helping kids manage their feelings is a key parenting role but it’s not about saying more.

“Over-talking can push people away,” Michelle said. “Sometimes, we just need to zip it and listen.”

Even though kids are encouraged to share, they also need to learn when it’s helpful and when it isn’t.

What If They Have the Wrong Friends?

It’s hard to watch your child form friendships with kids who are a bad influence. But forcing change rarely works.

“When kids leave our home, we can’t control who they hang out with,” Michelle said. “So focus on them, not their friends.”

She recommends saying something like, “I like you. And I miss the you I know. What’s going on?”

Compassion matters. “For teenagers, there’s nothing worse than being alone,” Michelle explained.

When Attitudes Start Changing

But what if those friendships are now changing your child’s behaviour?

“Name it. Be honest about where you stand,” Michelle advised. “And still love them exactly where they’re at.”

Set boundaries calmly. “Say, ‘I love you. But my answer is still no for that party or whatever it is.’”

Making New Friends in Term Two

What about kids who want to make friends but feel all the groups are already formed?

Michelle’s advice: Start small. “Look for micro moments someone sitting alone, someone who drops something. Say hi.”

Small steps can lead to big connections.

Final Thoughts

Michelle is hosting a webinar where kids and parents can ask questions about friendships. “Kids’ questions often fall into similar themes,” she said. “So this is a way to support many families at once.”

And the core message? Friendship challenges are tough but with the right support, kids can come through stronger.

Listen to the full conversation below.