Doug was joined by The Unbreakable Farmer Warren Davies to talk about the difference between listening and just hearing someone.

Warren began by painting a picture of the difference, using his line of work as an example.

Ting Symbol

“I first came across the concept doing a domestic violence course with Lifeline and there was on a page a Chinese symbol and it’s the Ting symbol which is the symbol of listening more than just you know hearing. It is where you are listening with your whole body.”

He explained that this involves listening not only with your ears, but also eyes and heart; giving that person your undivided attention and respect.

“I always thought I was a really good listener too and I think most of us do. We sit there, we nod, we wait for our turn to actually speak. Do we really hear the words, or do we just give responses that sound right?”

Words Matter Least

Warren said he was really challenged by this thought, especially working in the disaster recovery space.

“Those five key areas are really what it takes, listening with your ears is more than words. We all hear the words but it is often the least important part.”

He explained that listening to the person’s tone of voice, how they are talking, even a slight crack in the voice.

“They might say, ‘I’m fine,’ but you really know that they’re really screaming out the opposite.”

The Signs We Can See

He listed an example of a young vet that came up to him. The bushfire had taken a heavy toll on her and she exhibited most of those signs.

“I picked it up straight away just with my eyes. I was listening to her but my eyes were seeing that she was avoiding eye contact, her shoulders were dropped and her hands were fidgeting and she was hardly staying still.”

He said it is more important to hold space for the person than to interject or jump in to try and fix it or compare stories.

“You’ve got to suspend judgment because real listening asks you to put your own story.

“The most important part of listening with your whole body is the heart,” said Warren.

“That’s where the real connections are made. You’re really connecting with that person. It is important when it comes to heavy conversations and you really have to be listening to what that person’s saying, but more than just with your ears.”

1. Give Undivided Attention

“One of the things that I’ve realised is you don’t have to have answers and advice to many of these tough questions. Most of the time we’ve just got to hold space and just you don’t have to say anything. That presence of being there and that person knowing that you’re giving them your undivided attention, you’ve got their back is more than enough.”

2. Be Present

“Ive learned that people are not looking for answers or solutions and some of them are in pretty dark places.”

3. Hear Them

“They’re just needing someone to truly listen to them to be seen and heard. I’ve learned that listening is not a passive thing. It is an active, intentional, powerful thing that you can do for someone else that’s really important. It’s not about having the right words but making them feel genuinely heard and not judged.”

4. Don’t Rush Them

“Don’t dismiss their thoughts or opinions. Don’t rush them to finish a thought. Give them permission to keep going. Some people are feeling really defeated; there are a lot of heavy challenges in the world at the moment.”

He added, that in his line of work in bushfire relief, people are having a lot of difficult conversations, and it is something he comes into contact with a lot.

“You don’t have to have the words to interject or put into that conversation. You’ve just got to let them talk.”

The Unbreakable Farmer

Warren invited us to visit his website. “One of the things I’ve been intentionally doing over the last 16 weeks, particularly in the bushfire, you know, working in the bushfire recovery is that I’ve been trying to articulate my thoughts and my feelings and what I’ve been seeing into words, either on my social media or my blog.”

He said this will offer a bit of insight into the sorts of things he’s been seeing.

“The most important questions you can ask someone in a day is, ‘How are you going?’ But most of us now just are too busy and don’t have the time to even stop and listen to the answer,” said Warren.

“Being able to have the presence to stop and listen could change that person’s day. So we need to listen with our whole body, not just our ears.”

Check out the full chat with Warren Davies below.