We all want our children to feel loved, but sometimes the way we express love isn’t the way they receive it. Understanding the five love languages can help us connect with our kids in a way that truly resonates with them.
What Are the Five Love Languages?
The concept of love languages comes from Dr. Gary Chapman’s book, The 5 Love Languages, written in the 1990s. According to Chapman, people feel loved in different ways. The five love languages are:
- Physical Touch – Hugs, high-fives, and cuddles
- Words of Affirmation – Encouraging words and compliments
- Acts of Service – Doing something kind for someone
- Receiving Gifts – Thoughtful presents, big or small
- Quality Time – Focused, uninterrupted time together
Claire Cox, Director at Loving for Life, explains that recognising these love languages helps children see how much their families care for them. “When we break it down like that, they can see how much their family loves them,” she says.
Why Should Kids Know Their Love Language?
Children might not always recognise love in the way it’s given. If a parent expresses love through acts of service, but a child’s love language is words of affirmation, they might not feel as valued. “A kid might think, ‘Mum doesn’t love me,’” says Claire. “But if you point out that she buys you a small gift every day, they start to see it differently.”
By understanding love languages, kids learn to recognise love in different forms. They also become more aware of how they express love to others, strengthening family relationships.
Do Love Languages Change Over Time?
Children may experience all five love languages, but certain ones will stand out more. Claire suggests parents pay attention to what their kids naturally seek. “If they always snuggle up to you, then physical touch is probably their main love language.”
However, love languages can evolve as children grow. “A mum I know read The 5 Love Languages for Teenagers and said it was a game-changer,” Claire shares. What worked in childhood might not be as effective during teenage years.
Teenagers, for example, might suddenly reject physical touch or quality time. “During teenage years, it’s the opposite,” Claire notes. “Then it comes back later!”
How Can Parents Use Love Languages?
Once you understand your child’s love language, you can be intentional about showing love in a way that speaks to them. Claire recommends reading one of Gary Chapman’s books for deeper insights.
She explains that quality time, for instance, is more than just sitting next to each other. “It’s about talking to them and finding out about their world,” she says. By using love languages, parents can build stronger bonds with their kids, improve communication, and create a home where everyone feels valued.