Susan Woodworth from Walk and Talk Psychology joined Bec and Asa on Drive to talk about what to do when life feels unfair.
“Life is unfair,” began Susan, “It is actually not a fair thing.”
“And fairness is not actually a useful concept. Life is not fair. You can’t make it more fair as well. You can get angry, complain, seek revenge, but you just damage yourself. Sometimes it just doesn’t change it and make it more fair.”
The Victim Card
Susan said that playing the victim justifies our pain in the present but it also keeps us in the past.
“It leaves you powerless if you do play the victim card. You know when you feel like you’ve experienced unfairness or injustice and you’re like, oh woe is me, I feel so sad. It keeps you there.”
She said once we step out of that as a survivor, it helps us to move forward and look toward what we are going to, instead of asking, ‘Why me?’
“Life being unfair. you can choose how long you react to life’s challenges. So this includes how long you grieve for, how long you ruminate and how long you stay angry at something.”
She said the choice is ours to stay stuck in a negative thought pattern when we can’t control what life throws at us, or we can choose when to move on.
“If we’re looking to find unfairness in things, we will always find it.”
Moving On
Susan said, in order to move on, we take the time to assess if it is really worth using our energy to ruminate.
“Is it something worth stressing out about? For example, someone cuts in front of you in line. Are you going to like let that define the rest of your day? No. It is about perspective.”
Conscious of Control
“So much of the unfairness that happens within the world isn’t in your control. And the only thing you have control over is how you decide to respond.”
Susan said you cannot change people or events of the past.
“Before you expend a lot of energy, you’ve got to work out what you have control over. And probably actively choosing yourself talk is a really important thing.
Activate Yourself
“Monitor your thoughts, your emotions. Instead of asking, why me? Say, what am I going to do now?”
3 Questions to Ask
Susan said, asking these questions will help alleviate anger and unfair thought patterns.
- Do I have control over this?
- Did this happen in the past?
- Is there something I can do to change the situation?
“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it,” said Susan.
Check out the full chat with Susan Woodworth below.