Forgiveness doesn’t come naturally. Pastor Phil Ayres from Kingdomcity Church explains, “When someone hurts you, the instinctive response is to hurt them back.” Our human nature leans toward revenge, not grace.
Yet, forgiveness is vital. It breaks the cycle of pain and allows healing to begin. Without it, resentment grows into bitterness, poisoning the heart like “a weed in a garden.”
The Spiritual Weight of Unforgiveness
Unforgiveness doesn’t just affect our emotions. It also impacts us spiritually. Phil points to scripture: “Anyone who hates his brother is in darkness until now” (1 John 2:9).
He explains, “The more we allow unforgiveness to enter our heart, it pollutes us and darkens our capacity to see.” Instead of clarity, our perspective gets clouded.
Forgiveness Isn’t Weakness
Many resist forgiving because it feels like surrender. “It’s almost like if I forgive them, I’m letting them win,” Phil admits. But he reminds us that forgiveness is strength, not weakness.
“The word forgive means to open the hand or to let go of a debt,” he says. Forgiveness is a deliberate choice, not an excuse for harm done.
Phil’s Story of Freedom
Phil shares his personal journey. As a teenager, he carried deep anger toward someone who had hurt him. “Every time I thought about this person, I had feelings of revenge and hate.”
That changed when he gave his life to Christ at 19. “I remember God pulling the hurt out of my heart,” he recalls. In its place, God gave him compassion and freedom.
Steps Toward Forgiveness
Phil offers three practical steps:
- Set realistic expectations. “We get locked into frustration when we expect more than people can give.”
- Make forgiveness a choice. “Forgiveness is not a feeling. It’s an act of your will.”
- Have grace for yourself. “We’re not perfect. Don’t hold yourself to a standard you can’t reach.”
When we choose forgiveness, we release the weight of bitterness and open the door to healing.
Moving Forward
Forgiveness doesn’t happen overnight. “The healing is a journey,” Phil says. But each choice to let go moves us closer to peace.
He encourages, “God is not a fairy tale. He is present now with you. If you call on Him, He has the power to set you free.”
Listen to Pastor Phil’s full conversation with Doug on Table Talk below.