Pastor Phil Ayres joined Bec and Asa to discuss the pressure that single people face in conversations around marriage. He breaks down the keys to negotiating with respect.
Single and Content
He opened by saying it can generally start for people in their late 20s to early 30s, who are content with their life but feel external pressure, with questions like, “When are you going to find a partner?” Pastor Phil said that even genuine concern requires communication of different outlooks.
Clarify Values and Convictions
Pastor Phil states Clarification is a key component.
“Talk about the things that you really feel strongly about, high sense of value and independence or freedom,” he said, “There may be a priority on a career or financial goals.”
He emphasised that these are not right or wrong convictions, but there is value in their outlook, “There may also be a journey of impact on negative experiences, that they don’t want to repeat history,” he explained. Boundaries invite understanding from someone like a parent who didn’t have the same examples modelled or life experiences.
Respond with Respect
His second recommendation was ‘Always respond to your parents with respect and kindness’.
“The Bible says to honour your father and your mother,” he stated, “You don’t have to agree with them as an adult but make sure that we have respectful responses.”
He stated that a reason many parents tend to put pressure on their children stemmed from fear of not having grandchildren, “And it’s the most joyful, beautiful, exhausting thing I’ve ever seen.”
He reiterated that it is the young adult’s responsibility to make their own decisions.
Set Boundaries
Pastor Phil said that a spirit of fun and the reality of our emotional condition is important.
“The way we process that with each other is so important to be able to negotiate, move forward together in harmony,” he said, “Even if we agree to disagree, we can still have peace and respect in the way we function.”
Celebrate the Benefits
After establishing boundaries it is important to celebrate the benefits of being single, claimed Pastor Phil. You need a vision for your life. Celebrate the point of vision and not the reaction, the why behind the what.
“And remember, many of the heroes of the New Testament remain single, and many in the early church remain single, because they change the world through their devotion to God,” he said, citing Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 7:32.
1 Corinthians 7:32
I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him.
“In other words, ‘I’m keeping them all single so we can all work together for God’.
Connected with God
Psalm 92:13
Those who are planted in the house of the Lord shall flourish.
“Ultimately it’s Christ who fills our deepest needs, our sense of identity, our sense of value and purpose,” Pastor Phil encouraged.
He spoke to concerns of loneliness and assured those in the single season, that if we develop a fulfilling connection with God, it celebrates the vision over our lives and brings joy to those around us.
Check out the full chat with Pastor Phil below.