Love can be exciting, confusing, and sometimes overwhelming, especially in the early stages of a relationship. So what should you do when you’re dating someone great, but something feels off?
Pastor Phil, from Kingdomcity Church, dropped into the studio to share his wisdom. He says figuring things out takes time and a bit of honesty.
Step 1: Resist the Urge to Rush
It’s easy to feel pressure. Maybe you’re 25 and thinking, “Shouldn’t I be married by now?” But Pastor Phil encourages slowing down. “Some fools rush in where angels fear to tread,” he quoted. “You make hasty decisions, and then you regret them.”
He pointed to Proverbs 19:2: “Desire without knowledge is not good—how much more will hasty feet miss the way!” In other words, don’t sprint into a relationship just because everything looks good on paper. “We need to make sure our steps are clear,” Phil said, “so we’re not backtracking 500 k’s later.”
Step 2: Check Your Own Drivers
Sometimes the problem isn’t the other person. It’s what’s going on inside you. “We’re always the hero in our own story,” Pastor Phil said. “But sometimes there’s stuff happening in us that clouds our judgment.”
That could be past relationship trauma, anxiety, or even family breakdowns that left emotional residue. “If you’ve seen bad relationships up close, you may carry fear into new ones.”
Instead of blaming the relationship, take a step back and ask: Am I making this decision from a place of peace? Or am I reacting out of fear?
Talking it out can help. “Sometimes just having a good friend or supportive family member to unpack it with is powerful.”
Step 3: Compare Core Values
If you’ve slowed down and checked your heart, the next step is to compare values. “Does what they say align with your heart?” Phil asked. “Do you want similar things kids, lifestyle, family dynamics?”
It’s not just about attraction. It’s about shared direction. “Do we see life the same way? Can we live in unity?” This step requires honest conversations. Don’t just tick boxes. Listen for what really matters underneath.
And What About Everyone Else’s Opinion?
Sometimes your friends and family love the person you’re dating. Sometimes they don’t. And either response can affect you.
“When everyone loves them, some people check out,” said Phil. “When no one supports the relationship, it can cause ongoing tension.”
His advice? Try to walk in harmony with your family if possible. But always weigh their opinions with your own values.
Don’t Give Up on Love
Pastor Phil ended with a challenge. Don’t let fear win. “Some people have just given up on the idea of love,” he said. “They think, ‘I’ll never find the right person.’ But often, they’re just shut down by fear.”
The truth is, relationships take courage. And clarity doesn’t always come quickly. But by resisting the rush, checking your heart, and comparing values, you’ll be in a much better place to decide what’s right for you.
Listen to the full conversation below.