When the kids leave home, it can feel like a major shift. For some, it’s a time of grief. For others, it’s an exciting new chapter. Brett Ryan, CEO of Focus on the Family Australia, joined Leah and Dan to share practical advice on how to prepare well and do it together.
“Your role is to prepare them to leave the nest”
Brett began by reflecting on his own experience of becoming an empty nester. “We talked about this last week, aging well and embracing life’s transitions,” he said. “When your kids start driving themselves, needing you less, it can be a real grief.”
The key, Brett says, is to understand that your role as a parent is to help your children become independent. “Prepare them to leave. That’s your job,” he said. “And if you do it well, maybe they won’t be boomerangs!”
Communicate
Brett emphasised that husbands and wives often process this shift differently, and that’s okay. “Communication is the key,” he said. “A mother might feel more emotional. A father might think, ‘Great, I’ve got my wife back!’”
Understanding those differences helps you manage expectations and avoid frustration. Brett added, “You need to size those expectations and talk it through.”
Reinvest in your relationship
Brett encourages couples to make their relationship a top priority during this stage. “This is your opportunity,” he said. “Put your spouse’s needs above your children’s and your own.”
He shared that he and his wife recently bought bikes to do something new together. “We haven’t quite figured it out,” he laughed. “I want to go faster. She wants to take it slower. We’re still working on it.”
Reflect on your journey
Looking back can help you move forward with purpose. “You’ve been through the highs and lows,” Brett said. “With God’s help, you’ve made it through. That perspective can shape your future.”
He reminded listeners that, even if the transition is bumpy, it doesn’t have to stay that way. “You can get through it. Together,” he said.
Brett ended with a laugh: “The hardest part is deciding are you a cruise couple or a caravan couple?” Whether you’re hitting the road or setting sail, the message is clear: face the future together, with faith, grace, and a sense of adventure.
To learn more, visit families.org.au. Listen to the full conversation below.