When your phone rings and you see the school’s name on the screen, what’s your first reaction? If you’re like most parents, it’s a wave of worry. Sarah Blake, conflict specialist and mediator, says that’s completely normal.
“Our first instinct is, ‘Oh no, what’s happened?’” she explains. “It’s rarely a call to say, ‘Your child is doing amazing!’ So straight away, we get defensive.”
In a recent Table Talk conversation, Sarah shared practical advice for handling these tough moments with confidence and compassion.
Why School Calls Feel So Stressful
As parents, we want the best for our kids. So when we hear they’re sick, hurt, struggling, or have done something wrong, it hits hard. “It triggers that mum or dad instinct,” Sarah says. “We just want to protect them, to fix things, to keep them safe.”
Even the most well-meaning school check-in can cause anxiety. Sara recalls picking up her son from school recently. “The teacher, who’s lovely, said, ‘Can we just have a quick chat?’ And even then, my heart sank. I thought, ‘What now?’”
Step One: Pause Before You React
It’s easy to get defensive or overwhelmed. But Sara says the most powerful tool parents have is curiosity. “When you get that call, take a breath. Don’t go straight into judgment. Just ask questions and listen,” she says. This mindset shift, choosing curiosity over conflict, can transform the entire conversation.
When a Meeting Is Needed
Not every issue leads to a sit-down meeting, but sometimes that face-to-face time really helps. “Email and phone can lead to misunderstandings,” Sarah explains. “But in person, we see each other as humans. That’s powerful.”
She adds, “When we’re face to face, we’re less likely to attack. We’re more open. We can problem-solve together.”
Prepare for the Meeting
Many parents enter school meetings feeling nervous or unsure. That’s normal. But doing a little homework can make a big difference. “Teachers have a whole language we don’t always understand,” Sara says. “So come prepared with questions. Ask for clarity. Be specific.”
She encourages parents to ask: What does that look like in practice? How does that support my child on the ground?
Watch the Tone, Especially Online
After a long day, a message from the school can feel like an attack even when it’s not. It’s easy to type a frustrated reply. But tone matters.
“As soon as we jump on the keyboard, we risk sounding harsher than we mean to,” Sara warns. “That can escalate things quickly.” In contrast, a calm conversation, especially in person, leaves space for mutual understanding.
Post-COVID: New Rules of Engagement
Sarah notes that the pandemic changed how parents and schools interact. “Before COVID, teachers expected more deference. Now, parents want to engage, understand, and be part of the process.” This shift means both sides need to communicate clearly and respectfully to create a true partnership.
Supporting Neurodiverse Children
For families of neurodiverse children, the stakes feel even higher. Sara is walking this road alongside parents in her community. “It’s heartbreaking,” she says. “Some parents are struggling so much and they can’t even get positive feedback from the school.”
She encourages parents to ask direct, constructive questions like, What are the school’s responsibilities? How are you meeting them? And most importantly, “Don’t just accept a policy. Ask what it looks like in practice.”
Don’t Forget the Child’s Experience
Sometimes, the child you know at home isn’t the child the teacher sees in class. “It’s important to be open to that,” Sara explains. “Ask how your child is learning, what’s working, and what’s not.”
When it comes to bullying, she stresses that the victim’s safety and mental health must be the top priority. “Too often, the victim is sidelined in these discussions,” she says. “We need to keep their wellbeing at the centre.”
Final Thoughts
Navigating school conversations, especially the tough ones, takes patience, curiosity, and preparation. But with the right mindset, these moments can strengthen the relationship between home and school. “We all want the same thing,” says Sara. “A safe, supportive environment where our kids can thrive.”
Listen to the full conversation below.