What does it mean to “find your tribe”? According to psychologist Susan Woodworth from Walk and Talk Psychology, it’s about being surrounded by people who truly get you. People who like you for who you really are.
“When you feel like you belong, they know the real you. You can be weird. You can be funny. And they still laugh,” Susan says.
Your tribe are the people who make you feel safe, seen and understood. They’re the ones who laugh at your jokes and let you be yourself without fear of judgment.
Your Tribe Is Bigger Than You Think
Many people assume a tribe means a group of close friends, but Susan says it can be much broader than that. It can include colleagues, school friends, church groups or even extended family. Sometimes, your biological family is part of your tribe but sometimes, they’re not.
“Sometimes your family doesn’t get you because you’re weird. And that’s okay,” she says.
The beauty of it is that you get to choose who your tribe is. It’s about finding people who like you for the real you.
The Vibe You Give Off Matters
Susan believes that “your vibe attracts your tribe.” In other words, the energy and personality you bring into the world tends to draw in people who are on the same wavelength.
But finding your people doesn’t happen instantly. You can’t just walk out the door and expect to discover your tribe. It takes time, effort and, most importantly, self-awareness.
“To find your tribe, you need to know who you are and what you want to be,” Susan explains.
That means understanding your hobbies, what makes you laugh, what you enjoy doing in your spare time, and what kind of people make you feel alive and safe.
Helping Kids Discover Who They Are
For kids and teenagers, figuring out who they are can feel overwhelming especially when transitioning to high school or new environments. Susan encourages parents to help their kids explore their identity by getting involved in activities they enjoy. These might be team sports, art classes, youth groups or creative clubs.
When a child is already doing something they love, they’re more likely to find others who share their interests. That shared passion creates a strong foundation for friendship.
“If they’re already doing something they love, it’s more likely they’ll connect with someone there,” she says.
The Trap of Popularity
One of the biggest challenges young people face is the pressure to fit in with the popular crowd. It can be tempting to join the “cool group,” even if it doesn’t feel like a natural fit. But Susan warns that popularity can be a trap.
“It’s really competitive. And if you don’t fit in, they’ve got a knack for kicking you out,” she says.
Pretending to be someone you’re not just to fit in can be exhausting. Over time, it becomes hard to keep up the act.
“You’re trying to be a giraffe when really you’re a butterfly. It’s tiring,” Susan says.
Teaching Kids to Reflect on Their Friendships
Parents play a key role in helping kids develop strong, healthy friendships. Susan suggests paying attention to who your child is spending time with and how those friendships are forming. Ask them what their friends are like, how they feel when they’re around them, and whether they feel like their best self.
“Do you feel like you’re being true to who you are? Do they bring out the best in you?” she encourages parents to ask.
It’s also helpful to remind kids to test their friendships in small, fun ways by showing their quirks or telling silly jokes and seeing how their friends respond. If the reaction is judgment or rejection, it might be time to reconsider whether those people belong in their tribe.
Susan puts it simply: “Are they the people you really want to call your tribe?”
Final Thoughts
Finding your tribe isn’t about being popular it’s about being real. It takes courage to be yourself and patience to wait for the right people to come. But when you find them, the connection is worth it.
“Your vibe attracts your tribe. Be yourself and the right people will come,” says Susan.
And that’s something both kids and adults can take to heart.
Listen to Susan’s full conversation with Bec and Asa below.