Natalie Nicholls, from PLECS Learning, joined Doug to to highlight how unseen emotional patterns, especially those rooted in parental stress, can profoundly affect children’s learning, academic performance, and cognitive development. A topic that personal to her:

“Before I learned to read a book, I learned to read a room. I could sense tension before a word was spoken. I suppressed my needs, my emotions, and even my hunger just to keep the peace. No one saw this as a stress response. But it was.”

What Stress Really Means

Stress isn’t just about feeling overwhelmed. It’s a biological process.

When parents face long-term challenges like emotional trauma, financial pressure, or isolation, their bodies react. The brain activates the HPA axis, releasing cortisol and adrenaline. These hormones are meant to protect us in a crisis. But when stress becomes a constant part of life, those hormones start to harm rather than help.

Children are especially vulnerable to this. Their developing nervous systems are tuned in to their parents. When a caregiver is anxious, withdrawn, or emotionally unpredictable, the child often feels that stress too, even without understanding why.

This can interfere with how the child learns. Their ability to focus, remember information, make decisions, and process thoughts can all be disrupted. These are not small issues. These are the foundations of learning.

Could Learning Challenges Begin at Home?

Every child’s first learning environment is their relationship with a caregiver. Parents are their first teachers, not through lessons, but through emotional connection.

This process, called co-regulation, is how young children learn to manage their emotions. But when a parent is emotionally distant, overwhelmed, or unavailable, the child has no one to help them regulate. As a result, they’re often left to manage big emotions on their own.

That early emotional gap has long-term effects. Children in these situations may struggle to concentrate. They might give up quickly when faced with challenges. They may avoid feedback or become disruptive in class.

On the surface, it can look like they’re uninterested or misbehaving. But what we’re often seeing is a child overwhelmed by stress, quietly retreating into survival mode.

Recognising the Signs of Stress in Children

It’s easy to focus on a child’s behaviour in the classroom. But behaviour is only the surface. Underneath, many children are carrying emotional weight that they don’t know how to explain.

They might be worrying about what’s happening at home. They could be bracing for emotional outbursts, or trying to stay invisible to avoid conflict.

In these moments, their brains shift from learning mode to survival mode. Thinking becomes harder. Concentration fades. Their emotional energy is spent just trying to feel safe.

Educators can help by asking different questions. Instead of “What’s wrong with this child?”, we can ask, “What’s happening around this child?” This shift opens the door to compassion and better support.

What Stress Does to the Brain

Chronic stress doesn’t just affect mood. It changes the brain.

The amygdala, the brain’s alarm system, becomes overactive. The prefrontal cortex, responsible for decision-making and focus, starts to shut down. Even the hippocampus, which helps with memory, can shrink.

If a child spends too much time in this state, they struggle to learn. They can’t absorb information because their brain is focused on staying safe.

Research shows that children from high-stress homes often start school with lower executive functioning. This means they’re already playing catch-up before the first lesson begins.

How Society Contributes to Family Stress

Parents today face immense pressure. Long work hours, lack of affordable childcare, and limited support networks take a toll.

These pressures can lead to emotional exhaustion. Parents may become more irritable, less present, or emotionally numb, not because they don’t care, but because they’re overwhelmed.

Children pick up on this. They mirror the emotional tone of the home. When the adults around them are barely coping, the children often start to carry the load emotionally.

Supporting parents is essential. A calm, supported parent creates a calmer, more secure environment for their child to thrive.

Emotional Suppression and the Impact on Learning

In homes filled with stress, children often learn to hide how they feel.

They’re told to stop crying. To calm down. To be good.

Over time, they start to believe that their feelings are a problem. They push their emotions down, but they don’t learn how to manage them. This leads to poor emotional regulation, low motivation, and a fixed mindset. They become afraid to take risks. They avoid challenges in the classroom.

Emotional skills are not soft skills. They are essential for learning. A child who can manage frustration, stay motivated, and reflect on their mistakes will do better at school, not just academically, but socially and emotionally as well.

Can We Teach Emotional Skills at School?

Natalie says yes, we can. And we should.

Educators can model emotional awareness and regulation. By naming emotions, validating them, and showing calm responses, they teach children how to handle big feelings.

This creates a safe space to make mistakes, ask questions, and keep trying. When children feel emotionally safe, they become more resilient. They start to believe they can learn and that it’s okay to fail along the way.

Diagnosing Behaviour vs. Understanding It

Too often, we respond to behaviour with labels.

ADHD. ODD. ASD. These diagnoses can be helpful. But sometimes, they are a response to stress and trauma rather than a true developmental disorder.

We must be careful not to confuse survival strategies with disorders. A child shutting down in class might not be disobedient, they might be overwhelmed. A child acting out might not be defiant, they might be scared or emotionally flooded.

Instead of treating the symptoms, we must look for the root cause.

Supporting Parents to Help Children Learn

Schools don’t just educate children. They can support families too.

Simple acts like listening without judgment, connecting parents to resources, or creating a welcoming school environment can make a huge difference.

When parents feel supported, they are more likely to be emotionally available to their children. That, in turn, boosts the child’s readiness to learn.

Teaching Co-Regulation in Daily Life

Co-regulation is powerful and practical. It can happen in everyday moments.

When a child is upset, the adult can breathe deeply and stay calm. When emotions rise, the adult can pause and speak gently. When a child feels scared or angry, the adult can stay close and offer reassurance.

These simple actions teach children how to stay regulated. Over time, they learn to do it for themselves.

We cannot expect children to manage big emotions if we haven’t shown them how.

A Better Path Forward

Stress doesn’t just affect mood. It hijacks thinking. It dulls memory. It shuts down learning.

But stress isn’t invisible. It leaves clues in behaviour, learning struggles, and how children relate to others. We must stop pathologising children who are trying to survive. Instead, we need to heal the systems that shape them.

Every child deserves more than survival. They deserve emotional safety at home and at school. Because when their emotional world is stable, their minds can flourish.

Listen to the full conversation below.