Every parent wants the best for their child. But in trying to protect them from struggles, are we actually holding them back? This week, Pastor Joel Chelliah from Centrepoint Church shared with Leah and Dan what it means to be the coach—not the player—in our kids’ lives, and the importance of teaching kids resilience.
The Role of a Coach
Coaching is tough. As Pastor Joel shared, “I coach my son’s basketball team, and it’s an incredibly hard job.” But just like in sports, parenting isn’t about playing the game for them. Instead, it’s about guiding, training, and preparing them for challenges.
A powerful scripture highlights this idea. “The Lord left certain tribes in Israel so the next generation could learn how to fight for themselves.” This lesson applies to parenting. If we fight every battle for our children, they never learn how to stand on their own.
Resilience Comes from Struggle
Many parents feel the urge to step in and clear obstacles from their child’s path. But as Pastor Joel put it, “Character traits like perseverance and resilience don’t come without a fight.”
Kids today are struggling more with mental health and resilience, and a big reason is that parents don’t want them to face tough times. “Mum and Dad won’t be there forever,” he added. If kids don’t experience challenges now, they won’t be prepared for life’s difficulties later.
Home Is the Training Ground
Before kids step into the world, home is where they learn responsibility. “From a young age, our kids had chores,” he shared. But not everyone sees it that way. “My mum was shocked when she saw my little ones doing the dishes. She said, ‘You can’t make kids work like that!’ But they need to learn.”
Struggles at home—whether it’s chores, discipline, or consequences—help kids develop independence. “It’s okay to let your kids go to bed crying,” he said. “It’s okay for them to be upset and not get their way.”
Letting Kids Face Consequences
When a child comes home complaining about a tough teacher, many parents jump in to fix it. “I had my kid ask me to switch classes, but I said, ‘That’s not an option. Instead, be the best student you can be.’”
The same applies to forgotten lunches or jackets. “So many parents rush back to school with their kid’s lunch. But what if they miss a meal? They won’t forget it next time.”
If parents always step in, kids never learn from their mistakes. “We have to stop. We’re not the players. They are. We’re the coaches.”
The Tough Love Kids Need
Being the coach means making hard choices. “It’s tough to hear as a parent,” Pastor Joel admitted. “It’s tough to say no. But at the end of the day, they will thank you for it.”
Mums, in particular, might struggle with this. “You can kill your kid with too much nurture.” Love and support are crucial, but so is letting them face challenges.
Final Thoughts
Parenting isn’t about removing obstacles—it’s about teaching kids how to overcome them. If we act as their coach rather than their player, they will grow into resilient, independent adults. It’s not always easy, but in the long run, teaching kids resilience will set them up for success.
Listen to the full conversation below.