Pastor Phil Ayres joined Bec and Asa on Drive for one final and poignant word on relationships and keeping God at the centre.
Phil said that the spirituality of a couple affects their relationship.
Divorce Rates and Religion
“Couples have a 35% likelihood of lower divorce rate in committed religious couples. Couples who are deeply committed to their faith and who are active in their church communities, he says have a 35% lower divorce rate.”
This came according to a study from Professor Brad Wilcox at the University of Virginia.
Phil added that when you add it to the secular rate of divorces or people with a passive religious relationship.
“Sometimes those with passive relationships who have a religious background have a higher divorce rate than people in secular communities.”
It comes down to practicing those values and aligning with one another. It will greatly impact the kind of relationship we have.
The Active Pursuit of God
Phil said the active pursuit of God contributes to a stronger marriage.
“When you do that, you experience his personal presence in your life, which for me and my wife is just a dynamic that changes the whole atmosphere, because we’re so opposite, so different.”
Couples can argue about so many things, but with God at the centre, there is a balance and a healthiness.
There is also an alignment of values at a core level.
“Whether you’re a spiritual person or non-spiritual, this issue of values alignment is so central to be able to function together. When you own your values as a couple, there’s a unity, there’s an agreement. power of that is incredible in the ability to move forward and to grow.”
Research points to information that suggests couples that have a spiritual foundation, receive a greater sense of satisfaction in the marriage.
“In your communication, in your love life, in your sense of participation, what you do together. There is so much more personal satisfaction and fulfillment when God is involved in the relationship,” said Phil.
The Distinction of Christian Connection
Phil said that although couples can have many factors connecting them, when it comes to pressure moments, those in a Christ-centred relationship have distinctive qualities.
“For those who have a Christ-centered worldview, they believe that there is a future based on an eternal paradigm.”
Christians have the perspective to sacrifice in the present for a greater purpose.
“They’ll give themselves now for a purpose and sacrificially because they realize there’s a future that is going to be blessed and is an eternal sense. Whereas when you only have a temporal sense and things aren’t working, rather than necessarily push through that, sometimes we look for other options to look for the way to work it out.”
Seek First His Kingdom
Phil referenced Matthew 6:33:
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
Matthew 6:33
“In other words, when you bring God central in the priority of your life, God himself, as he comes into that, will bring order and framework for everything else that you need.”
Phil then used the words of 16th century theologian, Blaise Pascal, who said, “There’s a God-shaped vacuum in the heart of every person and it can never be filled by any created thing. It can only be filled by God made known through Jesus Christ.”
“Here’s the point,” said Phil, “When God is filling your cup as a person, you actually have something, a resource to give to your spouse rather than be dependent on them for everything.”
The Primary Source
“So instead of your spouse becoming the primary source of your energy and your life, Christ fills your cup and then you have the power to sacrifice, to overflow, to give out. And this is not just in your marriage, it’s to your family, your children, to the people in your world. You live life with an outflow rather than an inward need.”
It is not a passive belief in something. We can believe in God but never follow him.
“It is the idea of intentional pursuit of God himself. I believed there was a God for many years. I believed there was a Jesus a cross… that was all part of our culture,” said Phil.
Surrendered Hearts
But it wasn’t until he surrendered his heart and said, “God I’m going to pursue you personally,” that he realised his need for God.
“There was a transformation that the Bible calls that being born again. And when you are born again, you become a brand-new person on the inside. Something shifts, something changes. That actually changes the dynamic of your life and the essence of the way you live and function.”
For Phil and his wife, it created a beautiful dynamic.
“That grace we’ve experienced has been the power that has energised our marriage now for nearly 40 years. It’s crazy. And it’s been wonderful.”
Spouse is Second
Phil said it sounds strange for someone to say, “My spouse is number 2 in my life,” but understanding that the essence of who we are is more spiritual than physical.
“We are body, we are soul and spirit, so when Christ is at the centre, we are then able to flow out in our emotions, our life, our physical situation towards others.”
As a final thought for a little while, Phil posed a question:
What would it look like for us to intentionally strengthen our spiritual and relational foundation in our marriage this week?
He said intentionality toward spiritual strength can deeply enrich the sense of fulfillment in our lives.
“Thank you. God bless you everyone,” said Phil.
Check out the full chat with Pastor Phil Ayres below.