Youth advocate Daniel Principe joined Doug on Mornings to talk about his work in the youth community and his witness account of the Bondi Beach shootings in December.
Daniel said that the exposure to the Bondi Beach shooting made the work he does even more real.
Dehumanising People
“We see how we dehumanize others through these screens all the time. Cyber bullying all the way up to racism, extraordinarily degrading content online. And I think what I witnessed from 20 meters away was the absolute outworking of when we dehumanise other people,” began Daniel.
He posed a series of thought-provoking questions, he had been reflecting on during that time.
“Even just in our own hearts and communities, how do we treat the other? How do we regard the dignity, the humanity of another person? What do we need to do that we ourselves can catch ourselves if we realize we are really becoming hostile to other people?”
Courage
Daniel said courage is an important quality to have in humanizing people.
“You don’t have to be besties with everybody, but could we actually lean in and see other people as fully human and regard them, honor them, you know, be present with them.”
He said that so much of it is the inner work of our own hearts.
Communication Shift
Daniel said that youth aren’t really changing their styles in communication, but are conscious of the new social media bans in place.
“I playfully ask them about that, I remind them that they’re not in trouble and their parents aren’t in trouble for that. It’s up to the big tech empires to actually make sure they’re platforms are safe, which of course we know they’re not.”
Young people communicate through text messaging and chats, but Daniel noted that one of the newer advancements is both adults and children are talking to AI chatbots.
“They are not talking to friends, loved ones, people in person, again, coming back to humanizing connection, trust, building embodied relationships. And they are, they’re talking to it because it doesn’t feel dissimilar to talking to their friends, whereas I do most of my catch-ups in person or on a video call at the very least.”
Daniel said this form of communication feels ‘other’ to him. Loneliness rates are higher and trust culture is lower as a result.
“Low trust culture manifests in, ‘Can I even be honest in front of somebody? Can I offer a thought in a classroom?
Daniel explained that a lot of fear comes from being mocked for being vulnerable.
“So here’s a bot that’s going to be there, validate me, doesn’t demand anything of me, but also it won’t gossip,” he continued.
The Need for Connection
Connection is a human need, derived from wanting to be seen and heard. He added that platforms try to meet those needs in a counterfeit way.
The Praise Gap
Daniel said there are individuals who don’t understand the balance of nurturing and challenge in their lives. There are people who take encouraging communities for granted if it’s all they’ve known.
“They get so many put downs, banter, bullying, trash talk for every kind of positive affirming of the good and gold in the in their character and they’re just desperate for it.”
Daniel said he will have parents come find him at events and say, ‘You gave my son a compliment. It stayed with him. He came home and told us about it.’
“We all get to play that role,” said Daniel. “Not puffed up praise that’s not substantiated. It’s seeing when they show up well, calling out courage and good character and kindness and respect and decency and love and thoughtfulness.”
Daniel said he is a big believer in the saying: “A good deed praised is a good deed repeated.”
Youth Statistics
“There’s some qualitative data, which shows that once boys and girls started attending high school, they felt that their parents were withdrawing from them. Parents were not as connected or affectionate.
“I know these boys maybe are withdrawing and playing hard to get, but the adults that have to lean in and say, hey, we love you, we care, we’re here for you.”
Daniel warned about the consequences of children not getting that connection in the home. They will seek to find that validation and affirmation elsewhere, most likely in an unhealthy outlet.
In his research, Daniel also found that younger boys feel pressure to be mean.
“A tough guy mindset,” said Daniel, “That’s the biggest pressure they are facing in order to look cool and get popular.”
“As they’re getting older,” he continued, “They feel their biggest pressure is financial success. Illusions are being sold to them. They’re selling them these ideas as to how they can be that.”
Daniel said he feels for the youth of today who are doom scrolling and being influenced by puffed up personalities.
“I didn’t have someone telling me how I was nothing and how I could make 6 figures and how I’m not of value and I’ll never be a romantic partner because I’m not good enough,” he said.
Empathy and Curiosity Starts the Conversations
“We have to start with empathy and curiosity about why they’re being preyed on in this way and how we can support them to see, well, what else is it to be a good human? What other traits should we be nurturing so that they’re not as insecure and preyed on by these sorts of messages?”
“Our young people are so willing to have these conversations and I’m blown away by their insights and empathy every day. I just think we have to give them more space and time.”
Daniel encouraged parents to lean in with curiosity. It can be such a helpful gateway for teenagers to seek support and understanding.
“Optimistically,” he added, “Most young people are seeing through the nonsense out there. Engage with them in goodwill. Don’t be surprised if you’re just so proud of the things that they say and do. Then affirm that.”
Check out the full chat with Daniel Principe below.