Bec and Asa chatted with ‘Romance Coach’ Pastor Phil Ayres about love.
Love is Biblical
“Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud,” he said, referencing 1 Corinthians.
“We live in a culture that is just marketed as emotional love,” he continued. “It’s the universe that we’re all looking for. And yet, when you look at a biblical foundation of what love is, it is a universe apart from what we’re often presented as idealistic kind of love experience.”
Emotional Love
Pastor Phil said feelings are part of what creates a loving relationship, but not all of it.
“A relationship that’s built on feelings is like being in a train where the actual driving cart is at the back of the wagon, it’s being driven by the carts. It doesn’t make sense. Love is meant to be a response.”
True Love
It can start with chemistry and feelings. Emotional love is a response, said Pastor Phil, but true love requires action, choice and decision.
“When that happens, it actually reinforces the feeling,” he said. “The greater your sense of commitment to someone, the greater the sense of love that can grow when that’s actually there.”
The type of love that avoids intimacy and commitment can often leave us lonelier than ever, according to Pastor Phil.
Fleeting Feelings
Pastor Phil said it is difficult to measure how we view someone at first glance, and some people build a relationship based on that first impression.
“Feelings will come and go in every single relationship. The relationships that last are the relationships where people are ready to make a deep commitment to each other. And then out of that commitment grows something that’s richer than just a chemistry or a feeling.”
How the Bible Defines Love
He referenced Ephesians 5:2:
Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.
Ephesians 5:2
“The true definition of love is I think the willingness to sacrifice,” said Pastor Phil.
“That willingness not to bite back and get retaliation, but say, okay, I’m going to be patient, I’m going to be kind, I’m going to take time to process that properly. Instead of defending myself and living that self-centric type of mindset, I’m going to actually give of myself and allow time for that understanding to take place.”
In All Seasons
As we get older, relationship issues don’t go away, but how we navigate them underlines the framework of every area of our lives.
“The giving of myself is not just in a response to a need or a problem, but it’s the giving of myself in kindness and love towards that person, the way that I greet them, the gifts that I share with them, my commitment to work and be faithful and to consistently return in ways that bring life, strength and hope,” said Pastor Phil.
The Small Moments
According to Pastor Phil, crisis moments are not where we develop these frameworks. It is in the consistent small and personal moments.
“Moments on a consistent basis cause love to flourish.”
“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because your reality is finally better than your dreams.”
-Dr. Seuss
The Love State
“In a love state, your mindset is distorted. You’re in a temporary distortion state of euphoria,” he said.
“The challenge for all of us is that we implement the consistency and the commitment that’s needed in order to nurture that love to grow,” he continued.
He concluded with an encouragement:
“Being in love can grow and the intensity of that can grow because matched with that in love state is a deep commitment to the welfare and the good of the person.”
Check out the full chat with Pastor Phil Ayres below.