Doug from Mornings sat down with Sally Hewitt from Ageing Gratefully to talk about how to best deal with the unexpected turns in life.

Sally’s journey to Ageing Gratefully began following the death of her husband. She was given a powerful piece of advice: When it gets dark, and it will, look to your children.

“And that is exactly what I did,” she said. “I remember so clearly that one of the biggest drivers for me after Russell died was that my children never felt they’d lost both their parents. I just made a really conscious decision… that wasn’t going to be my journey.”

God Has Broad Shoulders

Sally said she wanted her relationship with God to be strengthened during that time, but she felt frustrated.

“I just didn’t get it. This was not what was planned. This was not what was meant to be our journey. And I said to my pastor at the time, I’m so angry. And he said to me, Sally, be angry. God has broad shoulders.”

She said that hearing that from her pastor burst a bubble, like a pressure cooker that had been building. She was finally able to feel what she needed to and God could take it.

Rejoice Always

Sally referenced, 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, where it says:

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

“God doesn’t give us anything that we’re actually not capable of,” said Sally. “He’s given us the capability to be joyful and rejoice always and pray and be grateful. And I don’t believe that we’re created like this.”

Sally spoke from personal experience, stating that when she was deep in grief there were still sparks of joy in her life. She said she owes a great deal of her healing to gratitude.

“What I’ve noticed is when you look for it and it just comes also, there’s a grace in gratefulness that, and it just gets gifted to you. But if you’re not open to it, then, it can pass you by if you’re not careful.”

She said that kindness was offered to them in emotional and practical forms. She didn’t cook a meal for three months due to the generosity of other people. Sally also noted that gratitude is tied up with prayer.

“That in itself sparks joy.”

Choose Gratitude in the Midst of Grief

“We don’t have to choose one or the other emotion, that we actually have the capacity to share both, at the same time. And to, not be afraid to lean into it all. if there’s one thing that, and I won’t be the only person, there’ll be so many people listening that have experienced, grief, trauma, loss early on. And the biggest thing it points out to you is the fragility of life and the beauty of life.”

Sally encouraged us that we have a responsibility in life to grasp the joy and feel the pain, and especially not to fear pain.

“We can make our pain so much worse by resisting the suffering,” she said.

There can be a danger when it comes to grief that you feel pressure to show that you are grieving, according to Sally who spoke to her own experience, “But, I know that Russell would want me to get on and enjoy my life.”

Ageing Gratefully

That thought motivated her to keep going and embrace joy along the way. This inspired her to develop a service for women who find that life is not turning out how they expected. Ageing Gratefully blossomed from a place of darkness and now Sally is able to help other women reach the same kind of acceptance and revelation in who they were created to be.

“We are not created to impress others; we are created to be real, in our own way and not like anyone else.”

She concluded with an encouragement for those dealing with loss.

“Don’t be afraid to feel those emotions and to accept the fact that we live in non-duality, that we can experience joy and grief. Prayer is in the silence and unanswered questions.”

“The grace in gratefulness is available to us all. And that is just an amazing way to live.”

Check out the full chat with Doug and Sally Hewitt below.