Fatherhood is a journey filled with surprises, challenges, and moments of joy. Pastor Joel Chelliah, a husband, father of three boys, and longtime minister, shared his insights on navigating this rewarding, yet demanding, role.

Every Child is Unique

Parenting is anything but a one-size-fits-all experience. For Pastor Joel, raising three boys—aged 20, 18, and 16—has been a wild ride of discovery. “One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that we must treat each child completely differently,” he explained. “One of my kids, I can say ‘no’ a million times, and it won’t faze him. Another, I can say ‘no’ once, but if my tone is too strong, it crushes him.”

Joel emphasised the importance of tailoring discipline and encouraging each child’s personality. “You almost feel like, ‘Oh, come on, everyone deserves the same thing,’ but they don’t. Each child’s needs are unique, and so should be our approach.”

Balancing Leadership and Friendship

As a father, Joel has learned the delicate balance between being a leader and a nurturer. “Many dads hear, ‘You’re not your kid’s friend; you’re their dad.’ And that’s true—you’re a leader, and you need to be strong,” Joel said. “But if all you are is a strong leader without nurturing or friendship, it creates a dictatorship. And people will rebel against a dictator.”

For Joel, parenting required self-reflection and adjustment. “Sharon, my wife, is naturally the kind, nurturing one, while I tend to lead and teach. Over time, I realised I needed to step back and just hang out with my boys—not discipline or correct them all the time. It’s about finding that balance.”

Creating a Routine to Be Present

With a demanding schedule as a pastor, writer, and father, Joel has developed a practical routine to ensure he’s present for his family. “I finish work at a particular time and spend about 45 minutes walking in a pool at a recreation centre. It’s like my therapy session—I work through emotions and the day’s challenges so I don’t bring them home,” he shared.

Before stepping into the house, Joel takes a moment to reset. “I say a small prayer: ‘God, I leave everything from today behind me. Help me give my family my very best.’ It doesn’t mean I get it right all the time, but it helps me switch from work mode to family mode.”

Building a Legacy

When asked about the legacy he hopes to leave his sons, Joel focused on the importance of faith. “You only have a short window with your kids before they grow up,” he reflected. “For me, it was important to model a personal relationship with God—spending time in His Word every morning, praying together as a family, and sharing our experiences with Him.”

Joel believes raising godly children takes intentionality and effort. “I always say, raising godly kids is a miracle, but it’s never accidental. It takes hard work, sacrifice, and God’s grace.”

Encouragement for Dads

Fatherhood is a constant learning curve, but as Pastor Joel’s journey shows, it’s a role worth embracing wholeheartedly. His advice to dads? Keep showing up, keep learning, and lean on grace for the moments you fall short. “Parenting is hard. No one gets it perfect. But it’s better to be a dad who makes mistakes, says sorry, and is present than to be absent,” he says. “Your presence makes a difference, no matter how flawed you feel. Just being in the room matters.”