Understanding and maintaining healthy boundaries with in-laws is essential for a strong and healthy marriage. Pastor Phil emphasised the importance of respecting the biblical framework of marriage. “When two people come together, the foundational statement is in Genesis 2:24, where it says a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. “You’re not joining the family of your parents or your spouse’s parents; you’re forming a new entity.” This new family is unique and requires its own set of boundaries to thrive.
Key Boundaries to Consider
Pastor Phil outlined several key boundaries to be aware of when dealing with in-laws:
Honour: Pastor Phil explained that while children are called to obey their parents, married couples are called to honour them. This means making independent decisions while maintaining respect for their parents.
Protection: “If your parents are upset at your spouse, you need to address the issue with your family,” advised Pastor Phil. He emphasised that the child of the family should take the lead in setting boundaries, ensuring the spouse does not have to defend themselves.
Agreement: Standing united as a couple is vital. Pastor Phil recommended, “Wrestle through your issues in private, establish your core values, and then stand your ground in public.” This united front helps avoid confusion and bias from family members.
Mutual Friendships: Building mutual friendships that support the marriage is crucial. “Minimise input from those who only support one person,” advised Pastor Phil. He stressed the importance of surrounding yourselves with people who believe in and support your marriage.
Examples of Unhealthy Boundaries
Pastor Phil provided examples of what happens when boundaries are not respected. “Informing your spouse of something after you’ve already decided with extended family” and “allowing your family or siblings to have little secrets that your spouse is not aware of” are actions that can weaken your marriage.
Pastor Phil concluded by emphasising the importance of maintaining these boundaries to ensure a healthy and thriving marriage. “Respect the authority of the husband and wife in that marriage. Don’t manipulate or demand it to be what you want it to be.“
For more marriage and relationship insights from Pastor Phil Ayres, catch him on Relationship Revive every Sunday night!