Pastor Phil Ayres from Kingdomcity, joins Bec and Jeziel every fortnight to help couples build strong marriages. This week he spoke about the importance of actively hearing your partner and giving them room to speak in heated conversations.


Why is hearing the other person important?

Our thoughts and words are deeply connected to who we are. So actively listening to your partner is the foundation of creating respect, security and love in your marriage. Cutting someone off and not hearing what they need to say shows that you don’t value them. Relationships that don’t allow one or both parties to speak are shallow and have very little capacity to grow.

“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak.” – James 1:19 NIV

What if you know you are right and the other person is wrong?

It’s more important for your partner to be heard than for you to be right. True communication is an exchange of ideas and thoughts. “If you are passionate about being right then you are going to have a lonely life. Great relationships are built by people who give room for another person to be heard.”

How do we make this work in a practical sense?

Make a commitment to let your spouse finish what they need to say. When you shut them down you change the conversation from the issue of concern to an issue of values. “You have to make a commitment to let them finish whatever they need to say. This practice is one of the most powerful things you can do.”

Did you find Pastor Phil’s advice helpful? Let us know by texting or messaging us on socials. Listen to the full chat below!