In today’s world, building and maintaining strong relationships can be challenging. Pastor Phil Ayres, from Kingdomcity Church, recently shared valuable insights on how to navigate these challenges. He explored the complexities of being “right” in relationships and offered practical advice on fostering unity.

The Power of Perspective in Relationships

One of the key points Pastor Phil discussed was the importance of recognising and valuing differences in relationships. He reflected on his early marriage experiences, where he and his wife, often found themselves in heated arguments over who was right. These arguments were exhausting and destructive, leading them to a crucial realisation: the need to move away from a “single mindset perspective.”

“A single mindset perspective doesn’t allow for difference,” Pastor Phil explained. “It fights for my opinion as first, no matter what. Essentially, it’s about protecting my ego and not allowing room for differences.“

This mindset often leads to unnecessary conflicts, especially in close relationships. The irony lies in the fact that the very differences that attract us to our partners can become points of contention if not properly valued.

Embracing Differences

Pastor Phil emphasised that differences in relationships are not the problem; it’s our mindset towards those differences. He pointed to a Philippians 2:3-5, where Paul advises, “Be free from pride-filled opinions, for they only harm your cherished unity. Don’t allow self-promotion to hide in your heart, but be authentic in humility, put others first and view others as more important than yourself.“

This scripture highlights the need to appreciate what our partners bring to the table, instead of constantly fighting against their perspectives. “Being right is not black and white,” Pastor Phil stated. “In relationships, especially those with longevity, we must make room for the views and insights of others.“

Three Key Takeaways for Relationship Growth

Pastor Phil shared three practical tips to help couples and individuals navigate the complexities of being right in relationships:

  1. Prioritise being right with…Rather than being right about: The focus should be on maintaining harmony in the relationship rather than winning every argument. Softening your heart and valuing the relationship over your ego is crucial.
  2. Give weight and value to the perspective of the other person: Learn to see situations through your partner’s eyes. This approach not only strengthens the relationship but also promotes personal growth.
  3. Understand that your perspective is influenced by your experiences and filters: Our experiences shape how we view the world, and recognising this helps in embracing the perspectives of others. By doing so, we expand our capacity to understand and appreciate the broader context.

Celebrating Differences

Pastor Phil concluded with a powerful analogy: in a picture, one person is the frame, and the other is the colour and art that fills it. “If you try to make each other clones, you lose the benefit of balance and difference,” he said. “Celebrate each other, trust each other, engage with the difference, and love it. That’s how you build a great relationship.“

For those interested in hearing more from Pastor Phil Ayres, tune in to Relationship Revive this Sunday at 7 pm, where he will discuss fatherhood in honour of Father’s Day.

Listen to the full conversation below.